Dan Gray, a practicing psychologist with over 40 years of clinical and practical experience, shares his personal experience on how his own father shaped their relationship through creating a solid, meaningful connection:

“As parents, most of us are baffled at how our children of all ages seem to forget some of the important lessons of life that we have tried so hard to teach. Were they not paying attention? Are they purposely ignoring us? Do they have too many distractions? Do they not value our opinions? Do they really remember, but don’t want us to know? One or more of these may explain some of what is going on. But there may be another reason that has more to do with the way we are teaching than with our child’s abilities or resistance. 

“I often reflect on the lessons, concepts and principles that I remember learning from my childhood, and why I vividly remember some more than others. Those lessons that were deeply embedded in my mind and heart were shared and taught with me during times that my dad and I were engaged in activities together. They were times when I felt an emotional connection with him through exciting, fun or meaningful experiences and when I knew that he valued me and wanted to be with me.”

GET ON YOUR KNEES

“My very first possession was a boxing glove, made to fit a three year old’s little hand. I still have it, sitting above my desk, and look at it often. My dad was a boxer and he wanted to teach his only son how to defend himself and to love a sport that would end up solidifying a bond of love, respect and loyalty. For many years my dad would GET ON HIS KNEES, looking at me eye to eye, while teaching me the art of the jab, upper cut and right cross.

“As I grew older, I couldn’t wait for him to get home from work so I could spar with this good man who delighted in “mixing it up” with his “little man.” The skills he taught me were essential for a little boy and teenager’s sense of confidence. The more important lessons though were the life lessons taught, which I vividly remember these 60 plus years later.

“I know that my parents had family meetings with me and my sisters to teach us about being good people, but I don’t remember the content of one of those lessons. I do remember though the lessons learned while boxing, fishing, playing catch and working with my dad. I learned how to stand up for the underdog who was being bullied. I learned how to respect women and how to protect and honor them. I learned that it was more important to be an honest man than to be admired by others. I learned to love and respect God’s creations. I learned how to work and work hard. I learned that “any job worth doing is worth doing well!” I know that I remember these words and lessons because they were taught by a man who GOT ON HIS KNEES, a man who joined with me in doing what I wanted to do, a man who I knew loved me because he spent time with me.

Children remember the lessons they are taught when their parents are ON THEIR KNEES: When they are EYE TO EYE; When they feel EMOTIONAL CONNECTION; when they are:

WORKING, PLAYING, and LEARNING,

Together.”